we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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