FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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