You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Randomize
