His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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