Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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