Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
