the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
