I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize