Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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