if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dick very happy bro
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
