The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
