You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize