She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
