his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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