so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
