i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
