im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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