Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
