Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize