Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
