What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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