btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
