We won't sleep together?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
