just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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