ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
