I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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