90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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