so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
