Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
