I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
