You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
