so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
