I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
