I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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