I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
