So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
