there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
