I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
