We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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