hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
