you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
