Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize