not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
