Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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