Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
