If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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