The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
