He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
