I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
True strength comes from lack of pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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