My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
