That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
