Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
