the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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