shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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