:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
