Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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