We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
