Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
