So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
