I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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