wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Girls should come with a carfax report
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Of course I have a pirate flag
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
