If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize