the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
