I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
