i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
