Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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