i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
