Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
