You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
