She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
