no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
