I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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