We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
