I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
