I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
