i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
farters have to be the big spoon...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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