I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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