highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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