my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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