Tell her she can't have a vagina
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
