Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
