well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
