I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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