i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
