wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
