found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
