I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
