That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize