Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
