You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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