shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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