I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
