Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
