just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
