A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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